Atoms
by petersmelon
Summary: Carla teaches Bertie what the stars really mean during a sleepless night for them both.


**A/N Hello! I wanted to write this purely because I feel like this is the sort of content I would like to see unfold on screen. It's pretty long, but if you actually read it I hope you enjoy it. If so, please let me know as there's a possibility of a second chapter. Thanks! **

* * *

**_"You know that place between asleep and awake; that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I will be waiting." - Peter Pan._**

"Peter. See to him. Peter! Oh for the love of-…if you want a job doing, do it yourself." Carla's efforts to wake her partner were unsuccessful, the gentle elbow to his ribs did nothing. She sighed and peeled the duvet off her before standing up, almost too quickly as her head spun. Taking her dressing gown from the bedroom floor, she wrapped it around her in attempt to replicate the warmth lost from the bed, before padding over to the travel cot by the dimly lit window of Number One. She could've sworn she felt a physical tug on her heartstrings as Bertie's cries filled the room, and she could only pray they'd subside once she settled him.

Turning on the small nightlight plugged in by the bedside table, she smiled to herself at the novelty of it. There weren't many things at the moment that could comfort Bertie, especially given that he wasn't at the flat he knew as home, but the starry light that was always packed in his overnight bag helped.

"Come here little man, what's all this fuss about?" she asked, lifting him into her arms and for a split second, anticipating a response. "You're okay, you're alright. I've got you" she whispered. As his cries continued, she mentally cursed the poor décor choices made by the Barlows, concluding that the lack of blackout curtains were half the reason Bertie had woken. Taking the dummy that had been discarded in the cot, she placed it into his mouth as he gratefully accepted it, sucking gently.

As the faint glow from the moonlight illuminated their faces, and Peter slept soundly thanks to the late shift at Streetcars, she figured she would make the best of a bad situation.

Opening the curtains revealed an unusually peaceful Weatherfield, and a surprisingly clear night sky. Much to Bertie's apparent delight, the stars shone brightly. As his cries stopped, he emitted the sweetest laugh, evidently fascinated by his newfound sights.

"Look! There we go. Do you see all those stars darling? They're just like your little light." Carla pointed in the direction of the lamp and back to the window, as Bertie's eyes followed her finger. "I don't think you've ever seen anything like this, have you, hey?" She questioned, as she placed her hand on his chest and looked down at him. "I've always found it relaxing to look at all the stars and, well if you like, I'll let you in on a little secret about them." Bertie's bright blue eyes were wide as they met Carla's, a silent sign that he was definitely interested in hearing this secret.

"Once upon a time, I learned that we were all made up of these things, they call them atoms. And you've got three guesses as to what else is made up of atoms baby." She pauses for a moment and raises her eyebrows at him, moving her finger to stroke his cheek, as his hand wraps around it. "If you guessed the stars, you'd be right. They're made of atoms, and so are we. Now, I know you're a baby genius, but it still should be easy for you to work out what I'm getting at. The stars, what they really are, are people. I know that sounds odd, but hear me out, they're people in the sky that aren't down here with us anymore." She stops to take a deep breath, and considers her next words carefully, realising that Bertie is perhaps more aware than she knows.

"If you look there," she points again, to a spot just above Sally's house, "you can see those two stars that are very, very bright. And that means that those stars are very, very special people, and they know we're looking at them right now Bertie. So obviously, be on your best behaviour, I want no more of that crying business." His hand is still gripped tightly around her finger as he wriggles impatiently, as if willing her to explain the story behind these stars. "You see that one…well, I believe now that that's your Mummy." She stops speaking as Bertie smiles, as it sinks in that he understands who Mummy is, but he'll never really know why she had to go. "She'll be watching us right now, probably making sure I don't drop you on your head, because we all know I'm no good with kids that can't dress themselves. She's most definitely keeping her eye on you to make sure you're being looked after though, and she wants you to see that she's always there; because no matter where we are in the world, we still love our babies endlessly. And we don't ever stop worrying about them, I can guarantee that when your dad gives you your baths, she'll be checking that he's doing it without that flannel. And if you've ever heard the rain on the windows during that time, it'll be Mummy telling Daddy how to do his job." She laughs to herself, knowing all too well how Sinead had instructed Daniel on each aspect of Bertie's night time routine before she passed away.

Carla is almost surprised to see that Bertie is still awake, and as she rocks him gently she muses about continuing to explain the second star, but the lump that forms in her throat at the thought almost stops her. He starts to wave his arms in the air and begins to fuss, before Carla takes that as her cue. "Okay, okay, shh. I'll tell you the rest chicken." She sways him lightly and clears her throat, before pointing to the next star, that's still shining intensely. "Now, number two. You've never actually met this person Bertie, and neither have I. Not really, not properly anyway. But this person, they're the reason I know all about your Mummy wanting to protect you, yes they are." She taps the end of his nose and they both beam at her gesture. "That big star up there, that's…" she trails off sadly, feeling as if she can't quite bring herself to say the next few words. "That's my little girl." Her voice breaks, as her eyes fill with unshed tears. She hadn't ever spoken about her with anyone at length, but somehow, she felt comfortable explaining it to an almost one year old baby. Maybe it was because he couldn't argue back, or maybe it was just the bond that she had built with him. If it wasn't either of those things, it was most definitely because no-one else was listening, or so she presumed anyway.

"That's right" she continued "she's your big cousin. I wish I could tell you her name, but unfortunately, I was never allowed the chance to give her one. I think really Bertie, that in the same way you might one day wonder why your Mummy had to go, I wonder why my baby did too. But I think I know deep down why it was for me. You know, if I could go back in time, I'd try much harder to keep her safe. To be honest, because I know you can't express your disapproval of me properly just yet, I really don't like the people me and your uncle Peter were back then. It wasn't nice, but I won't bore you back to sleep with all those details. Everything just could have been, and should have been, better…if we had just stopped to think. We were silly really, and we hurt the only person that didn't deserve it, but we got what we deserved in the end, because she left. And still to this very day, I can't blame her. It's a good job you're not about to shout at me for making this all about me, but I know you don't mind really."

She smiles at him and feels the tears stream down her face, and as Bertie reaches his hand to affectionately touch her cheek, much as she had done to him earlier, she almost feels a relief for discussing such a topic with an infant rather than another adult. He moves his hand to take a few strands of Carla's hair, and tugs at it gently. "Oh, alright! I get it, get a grip auntie Carla! I promise I'll shut up now." She laughs to herself, and turns towards the bed to find Peter has managed to roll over and turn towards them, but is still snoring ridiculously loudly. Much to Carla's confusion, Bertie's dummy drops to the floor as he begins to wail again, and as she bends down to retrieve it, she chastises herself for leaving it until now to take any notice of what it says. "_Mummy's little star_, hey?" she murmurs, as she quickly tries to soothe the crying child once again. It's to no avail as he continues, and she decides to turn back towards the window as his cries suddenly halt. "So that's what you were after then? Jeez mate, all you had to do was say!" As Bertie giggles, she decides to get her last few thoughts out, in spite of the fact that tiredness had not overtaken either of them yet.

"Do you wanna know what the worst bit is about losing someone you really love? Because despite what some people round here would tell you, I did love her. I loved her more than I ever thought I could love anyone. It's the pain. I think that's something you never really get over, I'd have taken all the physical pain in the world to save my little baby, but we were just never meant to happen the normal way really. The thing about you tiny humans is that you make it so very difficult for us grown-ups to be mad at you if you do something. I almost felt angry, but I was definitely upset when my girl left. Really, I had no right to be cross. The fault always lies with us down here. Not in the stars, like some people would lead you to believe. I suppose that little dummy of yours is right though mate. You're a little star. Maybe we'll strike a deal right now to protect each other whilst we're down here, does that sound good?" Carla looked down at the infant, and felt the tears spring to her eyes once again when Bertie gave her a wide smile, and as his hand grasped on the collar of her dressing gown, it seemed the pair reached a mutual understanding to do just that.

His eyes began to shut slowly, as Carla spoke for the last time. "One day, we'll _both_ be up there. You'll make one really bright star kid." Rocking him to sleep, she strokes his head lightly, and as she feels a pair of arms reach around her waist, Peter softly speaks. "Neither of you are going up there for a long time, we've got a lot to talk about down here first." He kisses Carla on her cheek, and places his hand over the top of hers, reinforcing her motions on Bertie, as he contently drifts off to sleep.

"You're so much better at this than you give yourself credit for love." She grins, appreciating his sincerity, but she can't help wondering just how long Peter has been awake.


End file.
